"Heal Over"

These days I find myself being drawn back to this song by KT Tunstall that Erica introduced to me. Guess it resonates deeply with how I've been feeling of late. And its hard for most people to understand....although I know a few rare souls ard me do. I find some comfort in that. Sigh.

Anyway, this arrangement of the song with lush strings captured my attention. (It's got the Brooke Fraser, "Give Me Jesus" vibe.) Not sure of the pseudo-rock transition it goes into mid-way of the song though. If you want the full acoustic (read more intimate) version of the song, you can let me know, and I'll email you.

Heal Over (by KT Tunstall)
==========================
It isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realise
That sometimes life is hard
It's gonna take time
But you'll just have to wait
You're gonna be fine
But in the meantime

Chorus:
Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday

And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf
Because pain's built to last
Everybody sails alone
But we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds
Come over here lady

Don't hold on but don't let go
I know it's so hard
You've got to try to trust yourself
I know it's so hard, so hard

Restless

"What if I leave? What if I leave?"- Rachael Yamagata

Home

I just got back from a staff retreat in Malacca, and a challenging choir/band rehearsal which took place immediately after I got back to S'pore.

1) I'm incredibly glad to be home.

2) Eating pig's ears (with visible hair) in satay steamboat thingy does NOT rock. Throw in cockles, pig's intestines and other questionable food items, and you get a pretty evil stew. :(

3) Starbucks is always a winner wherever you travel.

4) I'm very happy with my new stash of cheap shoes. (S$16 a pair)

5) Talking to a fellow colleague about her 5 years of study in California is triggering my wanderlust again. So it's not just me who is sensing that S'pore's lifestyle and landscape can sometimes be bad for the soul. On a related note, I hear Jason is having a wonderful time in Melbourne so far, and am glad for him.

6) I'm amused by my fwens who sms me random song lyrics, and expect me to continue the song from wherever they left off.

7) I got my Jason Mraz concert tix, and am set to go! :) *Live high, live mighty, live righteously!*

8) I'm so tired. I'm going to crash out.

"Let me dream for you...."

This song, "I believe in you," by Bethany Dillon really touched my heart. I especially love the words of the chorus. You can take a take a listen to it here. (ignore the cheesy video. I couldn't find a video of Bethany performing it live)

I Believe In You (by Bethany Dillon)
=====================================
When there's nothing to believe in, I belive in you
Forget the past and let my hand in yours be the proof
Though the strong could be my company, you're the one I choose
So remember, I believe in you

I know it feels like every eye is watching you
Waiting for you to fall, expecting you to lose
But I see victory, so all you have to do
Is remember, I believe in you

Chorus:
I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

There will come a day when love will lift you out of here
There will come a day when love will bring the truth
There will come a day when love will free you from your fear
And you'll remember, I believe in you

New Wallpaper! :)

I'm soooooooo pleased with my new wallpaper. :) Now I smile each time I start up my Mac. haha! If you can't tell....that's Joel playing his guitar and lifting his hand in worship. I got the pic off the cover of the Hillsong International Leadership College Prospectus. What a gorgeously designed cover right? It so captures what Hillsong College is all about. And yes, I still really wanna go.

The Journey Thus Far...

I'm so glad to have a short breather now in the midst of my jam-packed week. It's my first week as a full-time church worker....and as it is, I'm learning so much from the leadership, and being stretched like never before.

By the middle of the week, I think I was a bit stunned at the new projects thrown on my plate. It's definitely going to be a year where we have to go places we've never gone before. It's not comfortable, it's a bit stressful and tiring, but at least we're gonna grow and the ride isn't gonna be mundane. Yeah, so thank God for that! And I remember Sarah, my director, telling me, "Don't be afraid of making mistakes." Wow! What an amazingly refreshing tip coming from a leader. Well, I'm probably gonna make quite a few mistakes along the way...but I'm learning to laugh it off and then try again. :)

Am also grateful to God for bringing together fellow musos who have a love for acoustic music! (Yeah, Acoustikers United!!) :) I've found my musical soul mates in Dawnie and Nigel. haha! Can't wait to get together properly to jam and do some recordings. Nigel actually did a beautiful acoustic recording of "None But Jesus" this week...and he used his fish food as the shaker, cos his real shaker got stolen in hall. HAHA! But it sounded pretty alrite in the recording.

Oooh! And my condenser mike arrived in gd time! Jeremy bought it back from China, only $50 for professional quality. It's a steal. :)

"Yearn"

Bethany Dillon singing Shane and Shane's "Yearn," one of my fav songs by them. No wonder Shane married Bethany. haha! Her vocals are absolutely beautiful on this number.

The Stand

Lately, I've been getting backaches cos of more intensive work on the Macbook. And as Dawnie says, "One of the big reasons for neck and shoulder aches is having to bend our heads downwards to see the laptop/notebook screen. The screen should always be at eye level so that you don't have to strain your neck/shoulders unnecessarily." So in the name of good health, I went out and got myself one of those inclined laptop stands from Challenger. Afterall, Dawnie got one too and it seems to work pretty well for her.

Well....stupid Michelle actually BROKE the laptop stand while attempting to figure out how the whole plasticky contraption worked (no instructions included). Brilliant stuff. So now the height is no longer adjustable (it supposedly has 6 gears.) BUT luckily for her, she only needs the laptop stand to be at its minimum height cos she's not very tall.

Ok so just when she thought all things were working out afterall, she started typing from her laptop stand, and realized that while her backache woes have been relieved, her wrists are starting to ache cos of the curved base of the laptop stand, that protrudes out and holds the Macbook in place. AHHHHH!!!

Somemore, the silly thing didn't turn out to be black as shown on the box. BLEAHH!
Dawnie: what brand was your stand, and where did you get it from?? Let me know k?

Ice Cream Delight with The Fongs

Yesterday, I had a different sort of Sunday as I was on leave, so took the opportunity to visit Glenn's church, St James Church, at Holland V. (The Anglicans mocked the RiverLifer who didn't know what to do during their Holy Communion.) After svce, I met up with The Fongs for lunch. It was quite a refreshing change, as I got to catch up with Winnie, play with the kids whom I've not seen for some time, and fiddle with expensive Winnie's SLR. :p

Liza and me having dessert.

Jessi's mouth dripping with Bubblegum blue ice-cream. haha!

Tania, the youngest, has grown so much now!

The girls are proud of their freaky blue tongues!

Tania wants in on the fun, and insisted that I take a pic of her pink tongue! (she had strawberry ice-cream)

Liza is obviously better at this game than me. haha!

Smiley faces with ice-cream treats!

"Your Love Broke Through"

Today's my last day of leave before I officially begin a new season as a full-time staff worker at RiverLife Church. To be honest, I've been wrestling with some struggles about stepping into this new role- especially with regards to adjusting to a totally different lifestyle and level of ministry commitment. Part of me recognises that I'm incredibly blessed to be working in such a vibrant church, and yet, part of me is still asking "is it gonna be worth it? giving up so much of yourself?"

I guess those questions surfaced the deep, underlying issues within me that God had to dig up and deal with. And during this short break, He's surprised me by revealing several issues to me in the most mundane moments (often when I'm lying on my bed reading a book or watching 24, trying to avoid any confrontation with Him at all. haha!).

At the start of my Dec break, I was feeling really tired, and simply at the end of myself. I just didn't know how to give anymore. And I stubbornly didn't want to give anymore. Trouble was, I didn't like feeling that way. I didn't like who I was becoming. I didn't really know why I was in this state, and it was very frustrating.

As God spoke, He made me see that
- I badly need to recuperate from running so long and hard in BMI.
- I still need healing from past relationships, ministry and work experiences where I've given so much of myself, and yet, gotten burnt at the end.
- I need to rediscover my beauty in the Lord.
- I need to remember that I can never outgive the Giver.
- It's high time to start carving out "creative time," and to start working on my craft seriously to be a good steward of the talents He's given me.

God gently sought me out, even when I was trying to escape. Like Keith Green, I would much rather be hiding under my keyboard. But His love broke through, and prompted me to unburden my heart before Him. He ministered deeply to me in those quiet moments in my room. As I worshipped Him on my keyboard. I could feel my teardrops falling on my keys and fingers...and it was a queer but almost definitive moment. I want to be the Psalmist who is totally surrendered and broken before Him. I'm laying down the desires of my heart, my gifts, my time, my fears, my doubts unto Him.

After God has washed away my bitterness, poured His heart into mine, and renewed my vision, I feel more ready to cross over into this new season. I just need to constantly look towards the Rock who is higher than I.

This song has been on my iPod for several nights, and articulates all that I'm praying for right now.

SURRENDER

by Jeremy Camp

Purify this tainted soul

I'm tired of living life a fool
Soften up this hardened clay
To be a servant, this I pray
A reflection of You, I long to be
So Your kingdom I will seek

I surrender to Your throne
Oh, I surrender to Your throne
I will make my heart Your home
Oh, I surrender to Your throne

I've taken things I thought my own
Only to reap what I've sown
You've given back the years I fought
Unending love and grace You've brought
Eternal hope and peace You bring
And forever unto You I will sing

Forever unto You I will sing