"Safe in a crazy world"

I was deciding btw going out with friends as usual this Sat..and staying home to prepare for my gig/rest/ spend time with God etc. Somehow all my arrangements to meet up with different friends didn't work out....so I went home lor.

Then I got a call from Winnie,she found that Corrinne May's 2nd CD was out in this small, obscure CD shop at chinatown. (i've been combing CD shops regularly for mths in anticipation of the release of her CD, but to no avail mind u.) I was prepared to go to Bukit Timah to collect it from her...but amazingly enuff, she 'delivered' it to my doorstep, cos it was on her way to Bishan. AND I HAPPENED TO BE HOME!! Yay! haha! (THANKS WINNIE, YOU'RE AN ANGEL!!!)

Anywayz,so wot's the big deal abt one CD rite? Well, listening to Corrinne May's songs have always been ministering, food for the soul....but I guess God was trying to teach me something from this simple wkend experience. I think I'm quite prone to filling up my life with the noise and clutter of numerous activities (esp on wkends. I think many of you r guilty of tt too. haha!). Lately, it's been like that quite a bit...with a short stint at freelance writing, recording sessions, band rehearsals, gigs, meeting up with friends, plus work too. I remember i almost fell sick last wk cos I had so many things to do.

It was to the extent that when Eunice asked me how i was in the midst of all the frenzy...i just replied 'dunno, no time to collect myself/ think abt tt'. THIS wkend however, has been quieter than usual....and i felt myself getting uncomfy abt it. Instead of taking time out to recharge,collect my thoughts and reconnect with God....i wanted to busy myself with stuff to occupy my time.

I think God literally had to force me into staying home, to sit and be still! haha! Somehow I have this image of Stephanie training her mini-schnauzer, "Gin, sit!!" Yupz...anyway, God knows I need that time with Him.....if not i'll just get cranky.

So...Corrine May's album has indeed come into my hands at such an apt time. :) Thank you God, for putting up with my idiosyncracies and failings, loving me and keeping me safe in a crazy world.

[Finally, her 2nd album has been released...and i know the lyrics to the rest of this song, since the last time i watched her perform at esplanade.:)]

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Safe in a crazy world (by Corrinne May)
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I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me

It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain to the
Theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and I'm
Sinking to my knees but you
You cradle me

Chorus:
YOU KEEP ME FLYING
YOU KEEP MY SMILING
YOU KEEP ME SAFE IN A CRAZY WORLD
YOU UNDERSTAND ME
EMBRACE MY FRAGILITY
YOU KEEP ME SAFE IN A CRAZY WORLD
AND IN YOUR ARMS I FIND THE STRENGTH
TO BELIEVE IN ME AGAIN

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's
On a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek
(chorus)

'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

LOVE (III)

- by George Herbert, one of the 17th century metaphysical poets-

(this is a poem which has been much admired for its simplicity.
It depicts an act of communion- God's invitation to man, and how man feels his unworthiness. But at the end of the day, the gentleness of LOVE's voice triumphs)
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Love bade me welcome: yet my soul drew back,
Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-eyed Love, observing me grow slack,
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning,
If I lack'd anything.

A guest, I answer'd, worthy to be here:
Love said, You shall be he.
I the unkind, ungrateful? Ah my dear,
I cannot look on thee.
Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,
Who made the eyes but I?

Truth Lord, but I have marr'd them: let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.
And know you not, says Love, who bore the blame?
My dear, then I will serve.
You must sit down, says Love, and tast me meat:
So I did sit and eat.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for

"I would aspire to be a soul singer", Bono once said, "A singer becomes a soul singer when he decides to reveal rather than conceal."
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This website (http://www.stocki.ni.org/u2/goodboys.phtml)has labelled U2's "I still haven't found what I'm looking for" the best hymn written this century. Obviously some people will frown and refute "how can a so-called christian grp name their song that, when we've already found Jesus! Surely Bono is a back-slidden christian"

Yes, we have found Jesus....but truth is, although we've been saved....we will never be fully fulfilled as long as we're on earth, in this state of fallen humanity. Our feeling of incompleteness points to the evidence of God doesn't it? I truly applaud U2 for their honesty in addressing their doubts, their struggles.

I was reading my bible the other day, and I also found some sort of connection with Song of Solomon and U2's song. I don't know if I'm stretching it, but it does seem quite possible if you compare the lyrics and the bible verses.

I like this verse in Song of Solomon, speaks of our earthly state of discontent
"Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it,
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house
It would be utterly despised." Song of Solomon 8:7



I still haven't found what i'm looking for (U2)
-----------------------------------------------
I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

[compare to Song of Solomon 3: 1-3
"By night on my bed I sought the one I love;
I sought him, but i did not find him.
"i will rise now," i said,
"And go about the city;
In the streets and in the squares
I will seek the one I love."
I sought him, but I did not find him.
The watchmen who go about the city found me,
To whom i said,
"Have you seen the one I love?" ]


I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

[Song of Solomon 4:11
"Your lips, O my spouse,
Drip as the honeycomb;
Honey and milk are under your tongue"

Song of Solomon 8:6,7
"Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave
Its flames are flames of fire
A most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it,
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house
It would be utterly despised."]

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it


But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

What happened???

Anwar Robinson just got voted out from American Idol! it's madness!! i'm so furious. How did he get voted out while the insipid ones like Scott Savol and Anthony Federov remain wk after wk????

Arggh, i've been rooting for Anwar, but i kinda guessed he wldn't win. Still...i never thought he wld get voted off this early in the competition. Now there's no reason to watch Am Idol...without my fav music teacher/ Bob Marley look-a-like. *sulk*

When secret worlds collide

I love this quote...it articulates for me, the tensions of christian life. I always like to keep it real and honest, and this guy, Henri Nouwen does just that. Christian life is not a happy, clappy, high-on-irrational joy deal. Yes, we have joy, but life is tough too....and i seriously question those who claim that they never doubt, or deny the darkness.

" So I am praying while not knowing how to pray.
I am resting while feeling restless, at peace while
tempted, safe while still anxious, surrounded by a
cloud of light while still in darkness, in love
while still doubting." - Henri Nouwen (from The Road to Daybreak)-

Free

Artist: Paula Cole
Album: Amen
Title: Free

I keep walking down the same city streets
The same city lines, to the same lonely beat
People say hello but i don't know what to say
I don't know how i feel, i just can't act that way
I wanna hide from all these strangers
I wanna run home to you
All i need is your compassion
Then we can be free,yes
I wanna be free,yes
I wanna be free
I wanna be free

Oh, the way i'm shut out by your silence
It's the loudest thing i've ever known
You leave me, leave me hanging
'til i feel useless with my hope
Oh, it's lonely in the city
It can be lonely next to you
Just have the courage to open up yourself
Then we can be free,yes
I wanna be free
I wanna be free
I wanna be free

Whispers from the wings

A collage of articulations, reflections on faith by figures who have inspired me of late. Indeed, if life's a show...then God prompts and guides us with directions from the wings of the stage...afterall He has the original 'script'.

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Philip Yancey on the writer Frederick Buechner:

" That slim book,'Telling the Truth', carries the subtitle 'The Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy, and Fairy Tale', a three-part division through which Buechner recapitulates the entire Christian story. He quotes King Lear and The Wizard of Oz as often as he quotes Isaiah or Matthew, and for some reason I found that made the gospel all the more believable....

He writes of a magic kingdom like Oz, of an end to our weary journey, of a home that will heal at last the homesickness that marks our days. As a preacher and a writer, he tries to awaken the child in people: the one who naively trusts, who will at least go and look for the magic place, who is not ashamed of not knowing the answers because he is not expected to know the answers. Given my own melancholy, my obsession with the problem of pain, and my emotionally truncated childhood, it was a message that breathed life into me.

'I have been spared the deep, visceral look into the abyss,' Buechner says. 'Perhaps God indeed saves his deepest silence for his saints, and if so I do not merit that silence. I have intellectual doubts, of course. But as John Updike puts it, if there is no God then the universe is a freak show, and I do not experience it as a freak show. Though I have had neither the maleficent of the beatific vision, I have heard whispers from the wings of the stage.'"

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Frederick Buechner on faith:
"Faith is homesickness. Faith is a lump in the throat. Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch. Faith is waiting. Faith is journeying through space and time.

So if someone (and this frequently happens) were to come up and ask me to talk about my faith, it's exactly that journey through space and time I'd have to talk about. That up and downs of the years, the dreams, the odd moment, the intuitions. I'd have to talk about the occasional sense I have that life isn't just a series of events causing other events as haphazardly as a break shot in pool causes billard balls to go off in many directions, but that life has a plot the way a novel has a plot- that events are somehow leading somemore."

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Everything in its time (Corrinne May)
------------------------------------
The river runs, and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience.
And watch for the sign
Everything in its time

So this is life...

Within the same minute....2 seemingly disparate events occur

In the same room, I have my close brother sharing that he has just been diagnosed with a hereditary spinal condition (that isn't fatal, but might cause him to be paralysed if he isn't careful). The condition is extremely rare, and currently incurable. He is 28 yrs old.

Over the phone, I receive a msg from another close brother...that he just saw a rainbow.

10 Things to smile about....

1) The experience of walking home at 12 midnight, drizzled by the refreshing summer rain.

2) Spotting not just ONE horse on my way home (my bus passes by the Singapore Polo Club), but at least FOUR....in different colours of white, black, a combination of white and brown etc. They were eating grass and swishing their lovely tails!!

3) Meeting up with a dear old friend, and finding the hours just fly past delightfully...before we knew it, it was already 12.15am.

4) Being waited on by a very kindly, polite, fatherly waiter at this new italian cafe. Rare to find such gracious customer svce in Singapore man. There was something really nice...and kind about that man, brightens up your day. :)

5) The enjoyment of a quaint, charming, old-fashioned Hollywood movie like "Breakfast at Tiffany's" or "Sabrina". It's comforting to watch these old movies sometimes....and immerse yourself in an innocent, by-gone era where people danced in the streets and broke out in spontaneous song, spoke quirky witty lines, and cracked whole-some jokes.

6) Discovering that my friend Audrey was actually named after Audrey Hepburn, whom I love almost as much as Meg Ryan!!

7) Experiencing my very first studio recording session....a bit nerve-wrecking initially, but once I let go of my inhibitions, things started to 'roll'. Learnt to be less self-conscious in that short little session.

8) Being able to record with a producer who actually was Corrinne May's Berklee Sch of Music classmate. They did recording sessions together! I felt that was so surreal. :)

9) reading my students' feedback forms at the end of term...and learning that the journey through our vocal course has helped them to "love God more". Is there any job better than this?? :)

10) [this should be classified as something that makes me ROAR IN LAUGHTER instead of just smile]
Knowing that my mum was SO DESPERATE for her single daughter, that she pasted this newspper article on the kitchen wall:
" STUDIES SHOW THAT MARRIAGE IS GOOD FOR HEALTH"
-some skewed study eh? hahahahha!

"Narrow Daylight"

- written by Diana Krall and Elvis Costello-

I never knew Diana Krall was such an impressive song-writer...I love the imagery she paints with her lyrics. That line "Is the kindness we count upon, Hidden in everyone?" is certainly an interesting thought to ponder upon.

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Narrow daylight entered my room
Shining hours were brief
Winter is over
Summer is near
Are we stronger than we believe?

I walked through halls of reputation
Among the infamous too
As the camera clings to the common thread
Beyond all vanity
Into a gaze to shoot you through

Is the kindness we count upon
Hidden in everyone?

I stepped out in a sunlit grove
Although deep down I wished it would rain
Washing away all the sadness and tears
That will never fall so heavily again

Is the kindness we count upon
Is hidden in everyone

I stood there in the salt spray air
Felt wind sweeping over my face
I ran up through the rocks to the old
Wooden cross
It's a place where I can find some peace

Narrow daylight entered my room
Shining hours were brief
Winter is over
Summer is near
Are we stronger than we believe?

"Bye bye 'Cher!"

It's the last week of term at BMI, my school...and it's been filled with many reluctant, sentimental farewells to my students. Almost cried...especially after they prayed for me, and seeing how they were hanging ard after class....cos everyone was reluctant to leave. Am quite amazed at how attached I've gotten to my students.

There's this class which has been following me for 9 mths straight, ...and now that they're taking a break, I feel rather lost and upset. I've seen them grow so much, both technically and spiritually....celebrated their breakthroughs with them.I always look forward to seeing them every week.

There is another youth class that I will be missing as well, they really perk up my week! I am missing the kids at Compassvale Sec Sch Choir too....I coached them for abt 2 mths. They gave me hell at times, but it was fun getting to know them and so rewarding watching them improve week after week.

On one occasion,after some new tips, my sopranos finally managed to hit a high G, a note they could never hit before! When I told them "you did it!", they were so happy they stopped singing and just broke out into cheers and claps. I wasn't expecting that, but I really felt their joy.(call it a 'teacher's high'. Those who teach will totally understand. hehe!)

It may just be a simple incident, but that will be a life-defining moment for me I think. Perhaps God is really convicting me that I'm meant to be a teacher. haha!