Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Do you know your Mac?


I really love my new 13" MacBook and iPod video......they're powerful, fast, intuitive, and pretty to boot! (reminds me of that "Bring it on" cheer. haha! 'I'm sexy. I'm cute. I'm popular to boot!') It's really helping me organize my music.....so that's excellent. :) Well, except for the pathetic battery life....I have no major grouses.

I was asking May this question earlier in the afternoon, cos I wanted to name my MacBook. haha! "Is a MacBook male or female?"
She proceeded to reply with absolute certainty, that my white MacBook was female.
This led on to a rather inane and amusing discussion about the gender, AND age, of the other Mac models. It's amazing how she's so darn sure about this. "Don't ask me why or how I know. I just know."

White MacBook- Female (late teens)
Black MacBook- Male (goth dude, with a gf who's the iPod U2. she's a rare one among the male iPod U2s.)
iPod- Male
iPod mini- Problematic teens (so many colours!)
iPod nano- Female (toddlers)
iPod U2- male with tattoos
iPod shuffle- indeterminate, haven't grow up yet, still babies

1st generation Apple Book (with many juicy colours)- Female
Powerbook Titanium- Female
MacBook Pro- Male

And this is my fav....
Mac Mini (the square box)- Male...but definitely gay.

Well, if you're interested....my MacBook has been christened Kiera. :)
Not after the actress...but i just like that name very much. I think its Irish too.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Ironic

Multiply no longer has a quota on the number of songs we can upload. OH JOY!!! haha! I'm so gonna go mad lor.

I've started by uploading some Alanis Morissette songs.....she's just one of a kind. I love her kick-ass, "the rest of the world can eat our socks" attitude!!! Yeah, go girl! But she's more than this angsty artiste. Gotta give her more credit cos she's actually a lot more versatile than people think she is. Check out the playlist I've uploaded.....quite a diverse rangeof Alanis songs, with some lesser known tracks too.

http://jazzymoo.multiply.com/music

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Grace Notes

"Grace....a gift that costs everything for the giver and nothing for the recipient"- Philip Yancey

"O momentary grace of mortal men,
Which we more hunt for than the grace of God." - Shakespeare, Richard III

Lewis Smedes, a professor in Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary, wrote an entire book drawing connections between shame and grace (titled, appropriately, Shame and Grace). For him, "Guilt was not my problem as I felt it. What I felt most was a glob of unworthiness that I could not tie down to any concrete sins I was guilty of. What I needed more than pardon was a sense that God accepted me, owned me, held me, affirmed me, and would never go of me even if he was not too much impressed with what he had on his hands."

" I know nothing, except what everyone know-
if there when Grace dances, I should dance." - W. H Auden

Monday, May 22, 2006

MacBook Madness!!!

I've pre-ordered the brand new 13"inch MacBook.....it'll arrive in about 3-4 wks. Isn't it a beauty? I CAN'T WAIT!!!!! :) It's powered by Intel, comes with inbuilt iSight Camera, glossy wide-screen display, and a funky remote control too.

Check out the full list of specs here: http://www.apple.com/macbook/macbook.html

Think again if you eat Foie Gras....

I'm traumatised and horrified. I always knew that Foie Gras came from force-fed ducks/geese....but I had no idea that the process was SOOOOOOOO cruel to the animals.
Do yourself a favour and read how Foie Gras is produced from this article. It'll really make you think twice about eating it.
http://www.stopforcefeeding.com/page.php?module=article&article_id=15

They really should just ban it totally. Like this tagline from http://www.stopforcefeeding.com says "Delicary is no excuse for animal cruelty".

"Animals, too, are God's creatures...Certainly, a sort of industrial use of creatures, so that geese are fed in such a way as to produce as large a liver as possible, or hens live so packed together that they become just caricatures of birds, this degrading of living creatures to a commodity seems to me in fact to contradict the relationship of mutuality that comes across in the Bible." -- Pope Benedict XVI

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Rumours

To the person it may concern:

I'm sick of this childish gossip, talking behind my back.
It's just unneccessary drama.
I hope you can find the guts and decency to confront me about the things that you hear/read....this way we can clarify the situation, rather than make it an ugly mess with your assumptions.

And really, do you have to take everything you read on blogs so literally/seriously?? People do exaggerate when they get emotional you know.

Please, let's end this nonsense.

Love Language

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Receiving Gifts.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch: 11
Receiving Gifts: 9
Quality Time: 6
Words of Affirmation: 3
Acts of Service: 1


Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Counting Down....


My love Pammy called me up last nite (2.30am!! 4 something am Sydney time!!).....and we talked for an hour. Awwww!!! Isn't she a dear?? At first I didn't even recognize her voice. Jialat sia? Haha! It was only after she started whining "OHHH, you don't recognize meeeeeee??" in her characteristic nasal tone tt I realized it wasn't some freaky prank-caller.....but my sweet Pam. haha!

Thanks for calling my love. :) I'm counting down the days till you return sweetie....41 days!! 1st July!!! 1Woohoo!

Girls' Nite Out

Last nite was insane fun...as I met up with my AJC/ NUS classmates- May, Rie, Soph and *GASP*....SHAN (the mysterious, anti-social one has been impossible to contact for 2 yrs u see).
It's been hard for us to meet up regularly last year....but somehow the past few mths, we've been meeting up every other week. Which is absolutely great, cos it's like AJC/ NUS days all over again! :)

We've been through quite a lot together too.....so like Rie said, thank God for good friends! Not just 'good-time' friends.....but true friends who really care, and whom you can count on to be on your side when the world goes 'psycho', who will tolerate your quiet sulking when you're down, who will listen to you rant and cry, comfort you, and pray with you too. :)
And so you know life can't be that bad, in the company and love of such friends.

I love hanging with ya gals! It's amazing how noisy the table gets with all of us together. haha! And to think that we can actually hold multiple conversations over the table simultaneously....without getting distracted too, but occasionally adding in our own random comments! It's a gal thing I believe. heh!

Highlights of the night included smothering an overwhelmed Shan with updates of our lives over the 2 yrs which she missed out on......engagements; break-ups and other BGR complications; law-suits; family scandals; career switches; tattoos (ehhe!)....the lot. She must have felt like she was watching a TV show at one point. Oooh, and we must not forget how we scared May to death when we all dug out our cosmetic pouches and started to compare make-up pdts and draw up a list of recommended pdts for her. Like she could care less. haha!

Ahhh, such great bimbotic fun!

Friday, May 19, 2006

From an Anonymous Contributor....

I laughed so hard when I read this....written by a dear friend (who prefers to remain anonymous) in response to my earlier "Dear Friend" post. Thanks dear. YOU KICK-ASS!!!!!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY SWEET....DUDE!!!!!

Well, for the rest of ya.....if u you GET IT, you GET IT. haha!
Clue: read between the lines....*grinz*

================================================================
When you did what you did
The earth spun backward
Full turn, U-turn
Suddenly, it started raining
Crap
Real shit falling from the sky
Even on
Wednesday
Yellow piss raining down
Out of the clear blue sky
Unstoppable

Thursday, May 18, 2006

"Dear Friend"

Dear Friend,

I poured my heart out to you,
I shared with you my deepest secrets.
Perhaps I trusted too easily,
For you’ve rewarded my friendship with lies.
Should have looked out for false pretences,
Behind your seeming smiles of concern,.
Should have been on my guard,
Against a ‘friend’ like you.

How do you sleep at night?
How do you live with yourself
After spreading vicious tales?
You’ve twisted my words,
Painted me out to be a fool.
You think you know better,
But you’ve only made a mess.
I hope you’re happy now.

As the madness unfolds,
and the fury escalates,
You hide behind curtains of guilt.
But one day, the truth will be disclosed.
What will you do then?
Faced with your own deceit and cowardice.
Tell me,
Who'll be your friend then?
Who’ll be on your side?

Save your excuses.
It's too late now.

Like wormwood,
You leave a bitter taste in the mouth.
Like Wormwood,
your words are poison.

Keep your distance from me.
You don’t even know me.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Confessions of Cookie Monster

"COOKIE MONSTER SEARCHES DEEP WITHIN HIMSELF AND ASKS:
IS ME REALLY MONSTER?"
By Andy F. Bryan.
(taken from http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/5/5bryan.html )

This is damn farneeeeeeee lah!!
================================================================
Me know. Me have problem.

Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies. Me know it not natural to react so strongly to cookies, but me have weakness. Me know me do wrong. Me know it isn't normal. Me see disapproving looks. Me see stares. Me hurt inside.

When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can't stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don't think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.

Me was thinking and me just don't get it. Why is me a monster? No one else called monster on Sesame Street. Well, no one who isn't really monster. Two-Headed Monster have two heads, so he real monster. Herry Monster strong and look angry, so he probably real monster, too. But is me really monster?

Me thinks me have serious problem. Me thinks me addicted. But since when it acceptable to call addict monster? It affliction. It disease. It burden. But does it make me monster?

How can they be so callous? Me know there something wrong with me, but who in Sesame Street doesn't suffer from mental disease or psychological disorder? They don't call the vampire with math fetish monster, and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood. No one calls Grover monster, despite frequent delusional episodes and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. And the obnoxious red Grover—oh, what his name?—Elmo! Yes, Elmo live all day in imaginary world and no one call him monster. No, they think he cute. And Big Bird! Don't get me started on Big Bird! He unnaturally gigantic talking canary! How is that not monster? Snuffleupagus not supposed to exist—woolly mammoths extinct. His very existence monstrous. Me least like monster. Me maybe have unhealthy obsession, but me no monster.

No. Me wrong. Me too hard on self. Me no have unhealthy obsession. Me love cookies, but it no hurt anyone. Me just enthusiast. Everyone has something they like most, something they get excited about. Why not me? Me perfectly normal. Me like cookies. So what? Cookies delicious. Cookies do not make one monster. Everyone loves cookies.

Me no monster. Me OK guy. Me OK guy who eat cookies.

Who me kidding? Me know me never actually eat cookies. Me only crumble cookies in mouth, but me no swallow. Me can't swallow. Me no have no esophagus. Me no have no trachea. Me only have black fabric throat. Me not supposed to be able to even talk.

Me no eat cookies.

Me destroy cookies.

Me crush cookies.

Me mutilate cookies.

Me make it so no one get cookies.

Everyone right. Me really is cookie monster.

I Believe In Eucatastrophe

That creed has been my MSN nick-name lately. :) Quite a few of u have asked me the meaning of 'Eucatastrophe', cos you can't find it in the dictionary. Ahhh, that is cos it's a term coined up by the brilliant J.R.R Tolkien. :) If you had searched www.wikipedia.org, you would find the following definition:

Eucatastrophe is a term coined by J.R.R. Tolkien which refers to the sudden turn of events at the end of a story which result in the protagonist's well-being. He formed the word by affixing the Greek prefix eu, meaning good, to catastrophe, the word traditionally used in classically-inspired literary criticism to refer to the "unraveling" or conclusion of a drama's plot. For Tolkien, the term appears to have had a thematic meaning that went beyond its implied meaning in terms of form. In his definition as outlined in his 1947 essay On Fairy Stories, eucatastrophe is a fundamental part of his conception of mythopoeia. Through Tolkien's interest in myth, it is also connected to the gospel; Tolkien calls the Incarnation the eucatastrophe of "human history" and the Resurrection the eucatastrophe of the Incarnation.
[edit]

Examples in Tolkien's work
It could be said that the ending of "The Lord of the Rings" is an Eucatastrophe. Though victory seems assured for Sauron, the One Ring is destroyed beyond all hope. Essentially a bad situation suddenly turning good. See also happy ending and deus ex machina.
Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eucatastrophe"

Monday, May 15, 2006

I LURRVEEEE "FELICITY"!!!!! :)



Yes, go ahead and laugh/cringe...but I absolutely love watching my Felicity DVD box-sets. (Well, they're not mine technically...i borrow from library mostly. But i do hope to buy them eventually) I'm enjoying watching it a lot more NOW, than when I was in Uni. hehe! It gives me nostalgic, feel-good vibes lah...plus I love the camaraderie of the cast, the script-writing, n J.J Abrams' direction (yupz, he's the guy behind Alias and MI:3). It's so much better than the shallow O.C crap they are showing on tv lah. Chey! :p

I thought it was hilarious when I spotted Greg Grunberg (Sean in 'Felicity') doing a cameo in MI:3! (later i found out he n J.J Abrams go way back.....like from kindergarten or something) As you know, Keri Russell was also in MI:3! (wasn't it fab watching her kick-ass and shoot a gun??) I was wondering which other actor from Alias or Felicity wld pop up in MI:3. heh!

Anyway, I was watching this "Felicity" Emmy Parody on the dvd. It's sooooo ridiculously funny and self-reflexive lah. You'll see the Felicity cast spoof NYPD Blue, X-Files and E.R. I love how they poke fun of themselves. You can watch it from this link. (scroll down to Emmy Awards 1999- Parody)

http://www.keri-russell.info/pages/videopage.htm

Stereoscopic Vision

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know:
the only ones among you who will be really happy are those
who will have sought and found how to serve."
- Albert Schweitzer-
"The gift of ourselves in total submission to God is a sacrifice in which, far from losing anything, we gain everything and recover, in a more perfect mode of possession, even what we seem to have lost. For at the very moment when we give ourselves to God, God gives Himself to us." - Thomas Merton
" So now, from this mad passion
Which made me take art for an idol and a king
I have learnt the burden of error that it bore
And what misfortune springs from man's desire...
The world's frivolities have robbed me of the time
That I was given for reflecting upon God."
- Michelangelo
"If you read history you will find out that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next." - C. S Lewis

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Grace Flows Down

I was reading this passage in my Philip Yancey book, and it challenged me in such an unexpected, but timely manner....that I broke down in tears before God. Really made me recognise my pride and inadequacies. Such a tough lesson to learn...."when the world sees grace in action, it falls silent."

Please take some time to read it till the end. It's really worth it!
===================================================================

I reflected on the greatest gift we have from the unseen world, the gift of grace. Grace means that no mistake we make in life disqualifies us from God's love. It means that no person is beyond redemption, no human stain beyond cleansing. We live in a world that judges people by their behaviour and requires criminals, debtors, and moral failures to live with the consequences. Even the church finds it difficult to forgive those who fall short.

Grace is irrational, unfair, unjust, and only makes sense if I believe in another world governed by a merciful God who always offers another chance. "Amazing Grace," a rare hymn that in recent times climbed the charts of popular music, holds out the promise that God judges people not for what they have been but what they could be, not by their past but by their future. John Newton, a gruff and bawdy slave trader, "a wretch like me," wrote that hymn after being transformed by the power of amazing grace.

When the world sees grace in action, it falls silent. Nelson Mandela taught the world a lesson in grace when, after emerging from prison after twenty-seven years and being elected president of South Africa, he asked his jailer to join him on the inauguration platform. He then appointed Archbishop Desmond Tutu to head an official government panel with a daunting name, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Mandela sought to defuse the natural pattern of revenge that he had seen in so many countries where one oppressed race or tribe took control from another.

For the next two-and-a-half years, South Africans lsitened to reports of atrocities coming out of TRC hearings. The rules were simple: if a white policeman or army officers voluntarily faced his accusers, confessed his crime, and fully acknowledged his guilt, he could not be tried and punished for that crime. Hardliners grumbled about the obvious injustice of letting criminals go free, but Mandela insisted that the country needed healing more than it needed justice.

At one hearing, a policeman named van de Broek recounted an incident when he and other officers shot an eighteen year old boy and burned the body, turning it on the fire like a piece of barbecue meat in order to destroy the evidence. Eight years later van de Broek returned to the same house and seized the boy's father. The wife was forced to watch as policemen bound her husband on a woodpile, poured gasoline over his body and ignited it.

The courtroom grew hushed as the elderly woman who had lost first her son and then her husband was given a chance to respond. "What do you want from Mr van de Broek?" the judge asked. She said she wanted van de Broek to go to the place where they burned her husband's body and gather up the dust so she could give him a decent burial. His head down, the policeman nodded agreement.

Then she added a further request, "Mr van de Broek took all my family away from me, and I still have a lot of love to give. Twice a month, I would like for him to come to the ghetto and spend a day with me so I can be a mother to him. And I would like Mr van de Broek to know that he is forgvien by God, and that I forgive him too. I would like to embrace him so he can know my forgiveness is real."

Spontaneously, some in the courtroom began singing "Amazing Grace" as the elderly woman made her way to the witness stand, but van de Broek did not hear the hymn. He had fainted, overwhelmed.

Justice was not done in South Africa that day, nor in the entire country during months of agonizing procedures by the TRC. Something beyond justice took place. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good," said Paul. Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu understood that when evil is done, one response alone can overcome the evil. Revenge perpetuates the evil. Justice punishes it. Evil is overcome by good only if the injured party absorbs it, refusing to allow it to go any further. And that is the pattern of otherworldly grace that Jesus showed in his life and death.

Nothing can save us that is possible:
We who must die demand a miracle.
W.H Auden

"The Hours"


Clarissa Vaughn: I don't know what's happening to me. I seem to be unraveling

My dear friends....pls pardon my slightly anti-social tendencies/mood swings these days.
(anyway, it's just a phase ok? I'll come out and play as usual once this is all dealt with. :))
You've probably noticed the writing frenzy/rampage on this blog too. haha! I've been in a highly reflective mood.....and I've been having this compulsive need to read, write, collect quotes, observe, dissect and assemble. Yeah...i have been unraveling....and it's beautiful! :)

It's actually been quite exhilarating and stimulating....re-discovering the joys of writing, the delicate, sublime yet empowering experience of crafting a poem/song.
Ahhh....my love affair with words, words, words. *swoon*.
It's continues to amaze me how mere words strung together, even in a feeble phrase, can articulate, reflect, resonate so powerfully.....

But as Audrey as said, and I quote her here
: "while words are beautiful, there is a higher order of meaning, and meaning is what we exist for."

On a similar train of thought, I've just been so captivated with these quotes from "The Hours". It is such a thought-provoking, lyrical and moving film. A brilliant tapestry of human relationships and emotions. As the title of the book by Michael Cunningham/film suggests.....how we live a day, can be reflective of how we live our entire life. Our moments, our hours are more significant than we often realize....for even small moments, little actions/choices can bring great revelations, or cause drastic change to the rest of our lives.

It's all so intriguing!! I love it when a piece of art becomes transformative to one's attitude to life/ world-view!

===============================================================
Quotes from "The Hours"
-------------------------------------
Clarissa Vaughan: Just to let you know I am making the crab thing. Not that I imagine it makes any difference to you.
Richard Brown: Of course it makes a difference. I love the crab thing.

Clarissa Vaughan: I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.

Virginia Woolf: Dear Leonard. To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the hours.

Virigina Woolf: You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard.

Virginia Woolf: A woman's whole life in a single day. Just one day. And in that day her whole life

Saturday, May 13, 2006

"Try To Catch The Deluge In A Paper Cup"

Music is my relief.
Forgive me for my emo shit....but when life is sucky,

and all messed up beyond belief,
when I discover I'm not really sure who my friends are,
when people twist my words and misunderstand me,
when family members only make things worse,
I think I should be entitled to some 'bleah-ing'.

Thank God for the music man....
It's a good time for writing poems too, great form of release for me.
BLEAH!!!! (which isn't very articulate ironically)
I want to watch Jennifer Garner kick-ass on ALIAS!!!!
(Ok, that was just me being totally random.)

Anyway, this song is for Audrey....."YEAH, GIRLFRIEND!!!!"
She may be on another continent, but we sure are walking together.
"Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup" indeed.
Sometimes the most familiar of songs, just HITS YOU...
When the timing is right.


Don't Dream It's Over (Crowded House)
=================================
There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're traveling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the T.V. page
Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

Friday, May 12, 2006

Hand Over My Heart

"And so tonight I'll sleep,
with my hand over my heart."

From "A Grief Observed" by C.S Lewis:
==============================
"At first I was very afraid of going places where H. and I had been happy - our favourite pub, our favourite wood. But I decided do it at once - like sending a pilot up again as soon as possible after he's had a crash. Unexpectedly, it makes no difference. Her absence is no more emphatic in those places than anywhere else. It's not local at all. I suppose that if one were forbidden all salt one wouldn't notice it much more in any one food than in another. Eating in general would be different, every day, at every meal. It is like that. The act of living is different all through. Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.

But no, that is not quite accurate. There is no one place where her absences comes locally home to me, and it is a place I can't avoid. I mean my own body. It had such a different importance while it was the body of H's lover. Now it's like an empty house. But don't let me deceive myself. This body would become important to me again and pretty quickly, if I thought there was anything wrong with it."


Thank You Notes
=============
1) May-ann....for dragging me out of the house, and into calorie-ladden Prata Shops for late night suppers. :) You are truly a friend in time of need. And you totally kick-ass!!!! "WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIEND, AND WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TO THE END *Da Da Da DUMMMMM*". Hurhur!

2) Audrey....for calling up from Brisbane!!! Hearing your voice, always makes me cry. Thanks for always being on my side and going hysterical with me. Thanks for the beautiful C.S Lewis passage too. COME BACK SOONNNNNN!!!!

3) Pammy....my love, we have a beautiful frenship. There is comfort knowing that I am loved by you. I'm working on that poem for you ok? "GIRLFRIENDS UNITED!!!"

4) George....you are one of a kind my bro! I love you, I so appreciate your honesty, encouragement and optimism. You've been a blessing! :) We'll hv our beer soon!

5) Estel....you can be weird sometimes u know! haha! like pissing me off to cheer me up...but ah well....all is forgotten when you speak to me in Elvish. heh! Thanks for you concern....even ur sms from Brisbane. I am touched.

6) Andrea and Bernice....as always, your love and your prayers are so much appreciated gals! :) Thank you for hearing me whine...heh!

Reason Why

http://jazzymoo.multiply.com/music

Reason Why (Rachel Yamagata)
------------------------------------------------
I think about how it might have been
We’d spend our days travelin’
It’s not that I don’t understand you
It’s not that I don’t want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang our heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
You can tell the world what you want them to hear
I’ve got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I’m up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I’m gone, and you’re still there

Letter Read (Rachel Yamagata)
------------------------------------------------
My love, how could you do this to me
My love, you were supposed to be
And I shouldn’t have to tell you to explain yourself
My love, how could you do this to me
My love, you’re not enough for me
And I shouldn’t have to tell you to explain yourself
But all I have is your letter read
And I cannot get it out of my head

And I’m afraid, and I can’t breathe,
And I’m in love with you
But you are not with me
And I have put so much into a life
I made too much about you now to lie

Time passes by while I wait for your call
Time passes by, I hear nothing at all

Wisdom

During my class today, I was urging my students to think about the core message behind the song ‘Open the eyes of my heart’, as part of their homework. I gave them this clue, "well obviously our heart doesn’t have physical eyes….so what was the song-writer referring to?". My autistic kid quickly and enthusiastically shouted out, "SPIRITUAL EYES!"

All of us in that classroom smiled at each other. It was such a heart-warming moment. Sometimes I think she’s the one blessing us, and teaching us, rather than the other way round. Isn’t it astounding how wise children can be? It seems like such an obvious answer…..but many of the adults in my class usually take a while to derive that answer.

(btw, my kid lingered around after class to ask me "how is my singing?" Bless her soul, that precious kid! She has been improving tremendously…and I encouraged her with that. Whenever I see her praying, worshipping, with her hands lifted up so simply…..it truly warms my heart. Thank you Jesus!)

Trust

From "Rumours of another world" by Philip Yancey:

"Theology means looking at the world from God’s perspective."- Henri Nouwen

" Do not be afraid" is the most frequent command in the Bible, which seems wholly appropriate in an era when terrorists could strike at any moment and a mailed envelope may carry a biological agent. We have a thousand fears: mammograms and prostate tests, our children’s future as well as their present, retirement funds, job security, crime. We fear not getting the job we want or the lover we desire, and if we have them we fear their loss. In the face of such everyday fear, Jesus points to a lily, or a sparrow, and calmly says, Trust. Seek first the kingdom of heaven.

Trust does not eliminate the bad things that may happen, whatever sparked our fear in the first place. Trust simply finds a new outlet for anxiety and a new grounding for confidence: God. Let God worry about the worrisome details of life, most of which are out of my control anyway. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God," Paul wrote. "Ant the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Two Worlds

"If the world is sane, then Jesus is mad as a hatter and the Last Supper is the Mad Tea Party. The world says, Mind your own business, and Jesus says, There is no such thing as your own business. The world says, Follow the wisest course and be a success, and Jesus says, Follow me and be crucified. The world says, Drive carefully—the life you save may be your own—and Jesus says, Whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. The world says, Law and order, and Jesus says, Love. The world says, Get, and Jesus says, Give. In terms of the world’s sanity, Jesus is crazy as a coot, and anybody who thinks he can follow him without being a little crazy too is labouring less under the cross than under a delusion. "We are fools for Christ’s sake," Paul says, faith says—the faith that ultimately the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of men, the lunacy of Jesus saner than the grim sanity of the world." – Frederick Buechner

"There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less."- G.K Chesterton

Thursday, May 11, 2006

This Road (Ginny Owens)




A million miles away from anything familiar
A thousand places I would rather be
So I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side
Though I find it hard to see beyond my suffering
In my heart I know Your plan is so much bigger
But this small part is all that I can see
And I believe You haven’t left me here to wander
Still I can’t help but ponder
Where You’re leading me

Chorus:
And I ask why this road?
Why this way? And this load?
Tell me how far must I go?
‘Til I see, ‘till I know
Why this road?

A million miles away from anything familiar
What was it like to be so far from home
Though you came in love
The world misunderstood You
There must have been some days when You felt so alone
But You endured, ‘cause there was joy before You
Joy that came because You sacrificed
Since You gave Yourself just to spend forever with me
Surely I can trust You’ll lead me through my darkest times
When I ask….
(chorus)

From here I cannot see
Why You’d choose this path for me
But I don’t have to understand to believe
That You know why, this road
Why this way and this load
You know how far I must go
‘Till I see, ’till I know
Why this road


http://jazzymoo.multiply.com/music

More Than Ever

When the night has been unkind,
When the silence of loss is deafening,
When trust has been broken,
More than ever Lord….

When reason cannot fathom
The depths of hurt that the heart
has been subjected to,
More than ever Lord…

When Life just gets too overwhelming,
And Heaven still seems so far away
More than ever Lord….
I need You
I’ll bow before You

In my brokenness,
In my failure,
More than ever Lord….
I find you near….

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise” – Psalm 51:17

Monday, May 08, 2006

Broken Flowers

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"On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are" -'Fragile' by Sting

"And I will run to you
to Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God
Yes I will run the race
Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the shadow of Your grace"
- 'I will run to You' by Darlene Zschech-

Lord...in my brokenness...please come through.

Eyes of Faith

From "Rumours Of Another World" by Philip Yancey:
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"One man succeeds in everything, and so loses all.
Another meets with nothing but crosses and disappointments,
and thereby gains more than all the world is worth." - William Law

"We see either the dust on the window
or the view beyond the window,
but never the window itself."- Simone Weil

" A book titled 'The Body Project' points out the modern fixation on the body and external appearance by comparing the diaries of adolescent girls from a century ago to those of modern times. One typical girl of the 1890s wrote, "Resolved, to think before speaking. To work seriously. To be self-restrained in conversations and actions. Not to let my thoughts wander. To be dignified. Interest myself more in others."

Her counterpart in the 1990s recorded these goals: "I will try to make myself better in any way I possibly can...I will lose weight, get new lenses, already got new haircut, good make-up, new clothes and accessories."

Rachel Yamagata- "Happenstance"

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Just bought Rachel Yamagata's album last nite. What a discovery! :) I think she's pretty amazing....brilliant instrumentation (i didn't expect tt) and powerful, mature vocal delivery. She sounds kinda like a cross between Beth Orton and Fiona Apple.

Read this...her own description of her album.
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Happenstance…the never can be…
Main Entry: hap·pen·stance; Etymology: happen + circumstance: A circumstance especially that is due to chance. - Merriam Webster Dictionary

I apologize for insisting on writing my own bio, but I just can not be satisfied with another’s account of my psyche when even I don’t understand it myself. Welcome to the world of this indecisive control freak hopeless romantic…

Happenstance, produced by John Alagia (John Mayer, Dave Matthews etc.), is a collection of songs inspired by my obsessions, often love related, but not always. It’s about the battle between chance circumstances and the belief that everything happens for a reason. The title and the back cover addition of ‘the never can be’ suggest that I’m not really endorsing chance, but, in fact insisting that there must be a reason for repeated broken hearts – perhaps a promise of a better situation, learning experience, the greater love etc. It’s a circular argument… and it’s merely a matter of ‘happenstance’ that the title is what it is anyway. Without the hopefulness of reason, how could anyone weather the highs and lows of relationships and this delightful junk called love.

Look to the second album for a more cynical approach in which it all goes to hell and nothing makes sense and chance is winning…

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Check her out at my Multiply website: http://jazzymoo.multiply.com/music

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Someone to Watch Over Me (Gershwin)

Such a sweet 'girlie' song...ahhh!:) Or as May and Rie like to say of me...
'gu niang-sified'
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SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME
============================
There's a saying old says that love is blind
Still we're often told "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain boy I've had in mind
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
he's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me where's the shepherd for this lost lamb

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in a wood
I know I could always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not the man some girls think of
As handsome to my heart
he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh how I need
Someone to watch over me

Friday, May 05, 2006

State of Mind

"Quietness without loneliness"
(A Gaelic expression...taken from the movie "Next Stop Wonderland")

I'm Glad There Is You

For my Pammy, cos nobody loves me like you do!:)

"in this world of ordinary people...
extraordinary people,
i'm glad there is you

in this world of overrated pleasures
and underrated treasures,
i'm glad there is you." - 'I'm Glad There Is You' by Jamie Cullum

http://jazzymoo.multiply.com/music