Saturday, July 29, 2006

Here Comes The Flood

Life can get awfully overwhelming sometimes.
There's just so much to deal with...
and I feel like I'm being pushed to the edge...
Like I'm fighting against the current,
and wave after wave is just hitting me.
No respite from the storm.

I have a bad feeling that some unfortunate, minor
incident might just trigger off an 'eruption/explosion'.
In the meantime, I'm desperately trying to maintain
my sanity, and calm composure.
I'm desperately trying to hang on to God.

"The floods have lifted up, O Lord,
The floods have lifted up their voice;
The floods lift up their waves.
The Lord on high is mightier
Than the noise of many waters,
Than the mighty waves of the sea." - Psalm 93:3-4


Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Beautiful Seed

This little post was inspired by Corrinne May's new song "Beautiful Seed" which was performed at her last UCC concert in Feb. She was probably influenced by one of her favourite websites http://www.zaadz.com
(an excellent website for quotes btw! I use it quite a bit myself.)

There's actually a meaning behind 'zaad' too!
"We'll start with the name. zaad. It's Dutch for "seed." Amazing how much potential is in a tiny seed, eh? We think so, too. That power reminds us of the amazing potential within each of us. We thought the idea of creating a company that inspires and empowers you to bring your "seed" to actualization would be pretty powerful. So, we created "Zaadz.""


"Whatever we do lays a seed in our deepest consciousness, and one day that seed will grow."
Sakyong Mipham

"Hope is the seed of liberation"- Jon Sobrino

"To see things in the seed, that is genius. "-Lao Tzu

Song of the Open Road

Quotes from the free-spirited American poet Walt Whitman:
=============================================

"I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journeywork of the stars."

"Love the earth and sun and animals, Despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, Stand up for the stupid and crazy, Devote your income and labor to others . . . And your very flesh shall be a great poem. "

"NOT I-NOT ANYONE else, can travel that road for you, You must travel it for yourself."

Ikea freak


I like my new Ikea night lamp and book shelf (both from the kids' range). :) Btw, I know this is thick-skinned, but if you're considering blessing me with a 'room warming gift', then you can get me.....*ta-dah*....

1) Ikea vouchers (most practical lah.) :) heh!
2) night gowns/ pyjamas (if you don't wanna go down to Ikea)
3) bed sheets for a single bed (pastel pink with no/minimal prints)

Thank you very much!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Frilly Fralla

















It's been a tiring day....had to shift most of my things over to my grandma's place, which will be my home from next Sun onwards. I really must applaud Rie and Lishan for helping me move all my stuff....it was back-breaking work I know- 3 gals....lugging heavy heavy loads in and out of a car, up and down stairs, into lifts etc. Sigh. Thank you gals....you're truly great friends. Brace yourself for Part 2 next Sun. *gulp*

I've been spending quite a bit of money, buying stuff from Ikea to decorate the ugly, white cell of a room that I'll hv to share with my cousin, at my grandma's apt. I never realized it before, how impt aesthetics are to me. I just cannot bear to live/work in an ugly environment. So.....to cheer myself up, I've taken to buying what May calls 'Frilly Fralla' stuff (ie. frivalous, unneccessary, decorative) like sheer purple/blue curtains, posters, embroidered cushions, night lamps etc.

It's adding some colour to the rm....but I'm still not happy with it. Looks like I'll hv to head back to Ikea again....but I better not bust my budget.

I really cannot wait to get my own place....without the naggy/controlling parents/relatives....at this age, I'm really starting to place huge value on my own freedom and independence. We're all growing up!! So many pple shifting out to live on their own, buying property...or leaving S'pore. (I'll miss you Pammy and Steph!)

Ok, I'm way too exhausted to ramble more. *Poof*

Living Deliberately

God I love Lit!! :)

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived."- from "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau

John Keating: "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" - From 'Dead Poets Society'

McAllister: "Show me the heart unfettered by foolish dreams and I'll show you a happy man."
John Keating: "But only in their dreams can men be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be."
McAllister: Tennyson?
John Keating: No, Keating.
- From 'Dead Poets Society'

Monday, July 17, 2006

Inconsolable

I just discovered this bitter-sweet gem of a song by Jonatha Brooke.
The lyrics seem to relate somewhat to the events that some friends are going through.
It actually caught my attention musically first......it started out all acoustic-folksy (as i like it), then halfway went into this jazzy instrumental solo! What a pleasant, unexpected surprise!! Cool stuff. Her vocals are lovely too!

It was later on that I started to really hear the lyrics....it's so sad....when you realize that those closest to you are not who you thought they were.....human nature is so unpredictable sometimes. Why why why?? Maybe it's part of growing up...that's why so many of my friends are going through it as well. Sigh......while I battle my own disillusionment and numbness, I really hang on to what Audrey told me a while back. "Don't let ugly circumstances change the core of who you are."

Listen to this 'jagged little pill' of a song on my multiply site:
http://jazzymoo.multiply.com/music
I've also uploaded other great songs by Alison Krauss, Lisa Loeb, Dixie Chicks and an obscure track by Sarah McLachlan.


Inconsolable (Jonatha Brooke)
==========================

I never knew what enough was
Until I'd had more than my share
I let the darkness in
And it was then I lost the dare
It was then I lost the day

There will be no prayers on your return
And there will be no party thrown
And you will find your inheritance is the silence that's grown
It is the seed that you've sown

'Cause you were the one sure thing
The one sure thing
Maybe I'm not crazy, just inconsolable
Inconsolable

There is no mystery to be revealed
And so we tell the truth and then run
I love you because I love you
And I did think that you were the one
But now I see who you've become

'Cause you were the one sure thing
The one sure thing
Maybe I'm not crazy, just inconsolable
Inconsolable

Farthings and Starlings

A poem by 'Eilonwy' abt our fav choc chip muffins from this shop which has branches in Shunfu Mart, and Tanjong Pagar. It makes no sense...we're just insane. HA!

============================================================
Farthings and Starlings are
so far from muffins
really cute squishy ones
that you can get from Tanjong Pagar
loti shop nearby

Like a cool summer day evening,
you bite into it
and realise that they have baked
veritas - truth - into
each bite of yumyumyum

mystical, my friend May says, a conspiracy
where each muffin is laced with an

addictive additive, some kind of magic
loti, should be made illegal.
Only in Singapore, I think, that
nobody would think of lacing cocaine in
everything

- by Eilonwy

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

"Absinthe"

It took me a second listen before I finally appreciated the musical genius of Beth Orton.....her music/lyrics wrap around you quietly....before seeping deep into the recesses of your soul. Then it really starts to hit you. An interesting counterplay of strength and fragility lingers in her music.....her choice of imagery is breath-taking, and her lyrics are so personal and honest, it's heartbreaking....for me at least.

Like this line from her song 'Absinthe':
"My love's a star you only saw the traces of"
How do you react to a line like that? Wow. Crap...I wish I could write songs like her.

You can listen to her songs at http://jazzymoo.multiply.com/music
(Her sound is reminiscent of Joni Mitchell....which I find so fresh in today's music scene. I've uploaded a few tracks by Natalie Merchant too. Her voice is so beautiful and gorgeous...I'm actually annoyed. Haha!)
View some of Beth Orton's lyrics below. I love her metaphors and imagery. So haunting....

Absinthe (by Beth Orton)
=====================
My love’s a star you only saw the traces of
What went before is not no more
It’s the embers of
People always catching names too late
And we’re all sorry there’s no time to make the change

I could hear rebellion rising
I could feel the stars aligning
I could see the way uprising
But i never did seem to find my way back home

My love’s a ball i threw to you
Once i was gone you caught it too
Love ignored erodes in time
Changes shape went and changed your mind
All i really needed was someone to take me home
Enough absence can crush a spirit to the bone

And i could feel rebellion rising
I could hear the stars aligning
I could see the way uprising
But i never did seem to find my way back home
No i never did seem to find my way back home


Pieces of Sky (by Beth Orton)
========================
These memories are just pieces of sky
Pieces of something much bigger than I
To anyone else just endless blue
I see time framed, an image of you
These memories hold me like the moon
Holds the sea like the sky holds the sun
The sea holds my tears and carries me
When my heart is too heavy for one

When it’s over, it’s over
I best get busy living
Been a long time gone

A dress made of air and webs and dew
The way dreams evaporate as they come true
To anyone else just endless blue
An invisible kite string connects me to you
I knew that it’s selfish to think you’d come here
There’s so many people that must need you near
There’s so many people that need to know
That you’re still with them even when you go
That you’re still with them even when they don’t know

When it’s over, it’s over
I best get busy living
You’ll be a long time gone

And how do you know how much you’ll be missed
Does it add up to some names on a list
So you know we’re just pieces of sky
Pieces of time that keep drifting by



Sunday, July 09, 2006

Laughing in the dust

I've been in denial.
Denial that I actually have to shift out of my cozy home of almost 10 years.
In fact, I'm the ONLY family member in the house who hasn't started packing yet.
And I only have about 3 weeks left before the new owners take over.

Well, today the bubble burst. I was forced to pack....my dad said to me during lunch,
"Eh girl, time to pack already ah!"
Bleahhhh...
So just a few hours ago, I sat down to complete "Phase 1" of my packing- my precious books.
("Phase 2" is for CDs). The most important items in my rm as you can see. heh! More impt than clothes I say. I tried to sort them according to categories- Shakespeare; Victorian 19th century; Modern Lit; Chrisitan Lit; Asian American etc. Reminded me of Andrea...who's another bibliophile. Cheers mate! ONE FINE DAY, I'll have my very own library ...with those classic floor to ceiling wooden bookshelves. :) Not sure if the ladder will be appropriate in Spore. heh!

Anyway...I digress. After packing away the precious books, I thought might as well sort through my pile of old letters/cards....that go all the way back to primary/sec sch days. Yes, Rie and May call me 'magpie'. I'm a horrible, sentimental hoarder. I struggle big-time with throwing things out.

So....along the way I had some surprise finds! The first item was a little book of quotations on prayer. It was from my ex-bf in NUS days. He wrote a pretty touching message on the inside of the book too. I was so not prepared for that...and kinda had a 'crumbly' moment as I shared with Audrey. Keep in mind that I actually spent many delightful hours exploring 2nd hand bkshops in Sydney, hunting for old books with messages inscribed inside (eg. from a husband to his wife; father to his son etc). I love books with their own ' life stories'.....:) Audrey and I are not sure why, but words just have such a powerful impact on us. sigh.

Later on, I also found some old drafts of letters to my ex.....a christmas card from him, and photos. I thought I had dumped it all away. We didn't part on good terms. But well....that kinda got me thinking: "do we ever stop loving someone?". I'm guessing we don't. Part of us, even if its a small part, will always have a soft spot for them. I find myself missing my ex now actually.....not romantically, but the friendship that we had. He was quite a fun guy.

On a lighter note, I also found a couple of old christmas cards from my JC frens- May, Rie.
In May's correspondences (from 1998), she referred to the joys of poking me (she still does it now), and she printed out the lyrics of tt crazy song "Insane in the brain", referring to it as 'gangsta rap' (we still sing it when we meet up now). I thought it was so incredibly hilarious, and I had a good time laughing in the dust.

You know what? Some things don't change. haha! And that is kinda comforting....

Friday, July 07, 2006

Words Actually

"Just deeds are the best answer to injurious words. "- John Milton

Words, words, words....how freely we utter them, with little thought for the impact they might have on others. It's a lesson that I'm continuously learning. I've been on the receiving end of caustic comments lately....and it's been shocking for me, (and I am often unable to react) because the people delivering them seem so casual and blasé when they make their comments. I wonder if they're even aware of the mean-ness that underlies their comments....some of them are probably not!

I'm not gonna judge these friends of mine...cos I know that I have a pretty acid tongue myself, which I am constantly trying to restrain. But these incidents have certainly made me reflect, and made me more aware of the power of the tongue, how it's really an outflow of our hearts...just as the bible says.

Luke 6:45
“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it shall eat the fruit of it.

It's tough being a christian eh? We have to be responsible for our thoughts, our speech, and let it be consistent with our actions......since we're all accountable to God. Our God is so beautiful, that when He speaks, He speaks love and life into our hearts. I pray He can help me to do the same, and be more like Him.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Conversation with Pammy

10.30pm at BMI:
==============
Me: Are you staying for supper on Thurs?
Pam: I will be doing work lah...
Me: Huh? Until 10 plus pm? You got so much work meh?
Pam: Yah lah, we're LIVE you know. (referring to our new website). I got to do lots of testing.
Me: *sigh* You're so hardworking. Working on your summer holiday.
Pam: It's ok, I like working. *smiles*
Me: *amazed* HOW COOL ARE YOU???
Pam: *laughs*

But seriously, how cool is Pammy, my love? When the rest of us normal folk prefer bumming around, this super trooper finished her exams in Sydney on Fri...flew back to Spore on Sat, and then came in early for work at BMI on Mon!!

Monday, July 03, 2006

www.pandora.com


If you're a music-lover/ audiophile....you totally have to check out this AWESOME website!! I was absolutely blown away. www.pandora.com

Type in a song or an artist that you like, and it churns out/recommends loads more songs that are in a similar musical vein. It's like your personal radio station, geared to your specific preferences. You can manage up to 100 radio stations too....so you can try loads of diff genres.

It's a great way to listen more widely (without spending), and
discover new, obscure artistes along the way too. BRILLIANT!!!! Well, some of my current fav artistes are Rosie Thomas (obscure gal), Natalie Merchant, Paula Cole, and Beth Orton. Give them a listen on pandora when you get a chance. :)

Thanks to May and George for recommending this website. :) It's really like a 'pandora's box'....once u 'open', u get hooked and u can't 'close it'.