Sunday, January 30, 2005

"This is your life, are you who you wanna be?"

- Switchfoot-

Those lines from a Switchfoot song really seem to sum up the essence of my generation. Those in their twenties....usually those who left uni not long ago, and are embarking on their careers. A bunch of kids who refuse to admit that they hv to grow up.
A barrage of questions that will plague us...such as
1) is this job taking me anywhere? what am i going to do yrs down the rd?
2) did i see myself in this place 5 yrs ago?
3) am i who i want to be? (in terms of character)
4) when am i getting married? Will i find someone?

n etc etc. Its a quarter-life crisis thing. I like what Buffy said..."I'm cookie dough....I'm not done yet". But well...whatever the 'outcome', whether i turn out to be 'choc chip', or 'oatmeal raisin'.....i know i need not hv to validate my existence, my worth in terms of my career, my marital status etc. I am a child, trying to love her Dad as best as she can, n i'll figure out the journey together with Him.

Till then....I'm cookie dough, I'm not done baking yet. :)

Friday, January 28, 2005

DEAD MAN'S ROPE

This song gets me very emotional n weepy.... cos Sting is so poignantly candid in the way he writes abt his personal journey/ search/ wandering. I love tt honesty...n one can relate to that same journey. Perhaps cos i'm pretty escapist...i hate to 'deal', n i'm prone to walking away from God, rather than running twds him when i'm in the midst of my mountain of crap. Sometimes what u feel inside is just so overwhelmingly strong that u pull away from it....

I dunno why i gravitate towards songs/ writings that are abt pain. But i know i'm not the first musical/ creative person to feel that way. Perhaps we were wired to be more sensitive to emotions in general.....n the intensity in pain is so much richer n complex than tt in the state of happiness? Perhaps pain reflects our vulnerability.....n there is beauty in tt fragility? Mebbe i just like being tragic. haha....i dunno, still trying to figure it out.

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by Sting - album sacred love

A million footsteps, this left foot drags behind my right
But I keep walking, from daybreak 'til the falling night
And as days turn into weeks and years
And years turn into lifetimes
I just keep walking, like I've been walking for a thousand years

Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,

If you're walking to escape, to escape from your affliction
You'd be walking in a great circle, a circle of addiction
Did you ever wonder what you'd been carrying since the world was black?
You see yourself in a looking glass with a tombstone on your back

Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away in anger, walk away in pain
Walk away from life itself, walk into the rain

All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
I'm just hanging here in space

Now I'm suspended between my darkest fears and dearest hope
Yes I've been walking, now I'm hanging from a dead man's rope
With Hell below me, and Heaven in the sky above
I've been walking, I've been walking away from Jesus' love

Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away in anger, walk away in pain
Walk away from life itself, walk into the rain

All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
I'm just hanging here in space

The shadows fall
Around my bed
When the hand of an angel,
The hand of an angel is reaching down above my head

All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
Now I'm walking in his grace
I'm walking in his footsteps
Walking in his footsteps,
Walking in his footsteps

All the days of my life I will walk with you
All the days of my life I will talk with you
All the days of my life I will share with you
All the days of my life I will bear with you

Walk away from emptiness, walk away from sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away from anger, walk away from pain
Walk away from anguish, walk into the rain.

WHENEVER I SAY YOUR NAME

by Sting - album sacred love

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face
Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste
Whenever your memory feeds my soul, whatever got broken becomes whole
Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together

Wherever I lay me down, wherever I put my head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I'm calling out your name

Whenever those dark clouds hide the moon
Whenever this world has gotten so strange
I know that something's gonna change
Something's gonna change

Whenever I say your name, Whenever I say your name, I'm already praying, I'm already praying
I'm already filled with a joy that I can't explain
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I'm on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying

Whenever this world has got me down, whenever I shed a tear
Whenever the TV makes me mad, whenever I'm paralyzed with fear
Whenever those dark clouds fill the sky, whenever I lose the reason why
Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together

Whenever the sun refuse to shine, whenever the skies are pouring rain
Whatever I lost I thought was mine whenever I close my eyes in pain
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I'm calling out your name

Whenever this dark begins to fall
Whenever I'm vulnerable and small
Whenever I feel like I could die
Whenever I'm holding back the tears that I cry

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face
I'm already praying
Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I'm forced to lie awake and have to weep
Whenever I'm on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying

Whenever I say your name,
No matter how long it takes,
One day we'll be together

Whenever I say your name,
let there be no mistake
that day will last forever

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Take My Life (and let it be)

Lyrics by Frances R. Havergal, 1874
Original tune, Messiah, Louie J. Harold, 1830.

1. Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee
Take my moments and my days
Let them flow in ceaseless praise
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee

2. Take my voice and let me sing
Always, only for my King
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee
Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold
Take my intellect and use
Every power as You choose

3. Take my will and make it Thine
It shall be no longer mine
Take my heart, it is Thine own
It shallbe Thy royal throne
Take my love, my Lord i pour
At your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Phos Hilaron (Hail Gladdening Light)

This is a corporate confession that originates from the 4th century. The author is unknown. Translated by John Kebel 1834. Here's a description abt it:

"As early as the 4th century, the Phos Hilaron (Hail Gladdening Light) was already considered ancient, being a mainstay of evening prayers in a tradition known as the lighting of the lamps. At that time in Jerusalem, a candle was kept perpetually burning in the empty tomb of Christ, its glow a symbol of the living light of Jesus. As Christians gathered to worship, the candle was brought forth fro the tomb, it's bright, solitary flame calling the church to celebrate the Risen Lord. Phos Hilaron literally means "hilarious light," especially meaningful given that this hymn was probably sung in the catacombs by the earliest Church

Since then, this beautiful confession has continued to touch a new generation of believers. Louie Giglo (one of the organizers of PASSION conferences in the U.S) shares how this ancient confession was declared corporately during a worship conference for U.S university students, and how it inspired a brand new hymn that was based on the content of Phos Hilaron-
"We incorporated the 'lighting of the lamps' in our gathering with college students that summer, using Kebel's translation of the Phos Hilaron as a spoken song, wedding ancient and future in a seamless expression of worship."

I love ancient hymns for their poetic, archaic and powerful use of language...but this has truly touched me deeper than all of that, because it reminds me....that we come from a long line of Christians. And that heritage has come with a costly price on the part of generations of believers, and it was driven by great love.....from the One who loved us perfectly.


Phos Hilaron (Hail Gladdening Light)
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1. Hail Gladdening Light
Of His pure glory outpoured
Who is the Immortal Father, Heavenly Blest
Holiest of Holies, Jesus Christ our Lord

2. Now we are come to the sun's hour of rest
The lights of evening 'round us shine
We hymn the Father, Son and Holy Spirit Divine

3. Worthiest art Thou, at all times to be sung
With undefiled tongue
Son of our God, Giver of life alone
Therefore, in all the world Thy glories Lord
Thine own.


Joyous Light (Hail Gladdening Light-Revised)
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Words and music by David Crowder, Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglo

1. Hail Gladdening Light, sun so bright
Jesus Christ, end of night, alleluia
Hail Gladdening Light, Eternal Bright
At evening time, 'round us shine, alleluia, alleluia

2. Hail Gladdening Light, such joyous Light
O Brilliant Star, forever shine, alleluia, alleluia

We hymn the Father, we hymn the Son
We hymn the Spirit, wholly Divine
No one more worthy of songs to be sung
To the Giver of Life, all glory is Thine

Friday, January 14, 2005

Delusion Angel

This is a poem by David Jewell. It was read during the movie "Before Sunrise". Its such a whimsical, quaint poem! :)
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daydream delusion
limousine eyelash
oh baby with your pretty face
drop a tear in my wine glass
look at those big eyes on your face

see what you mean to me
sweet cakes and milk shakes
i'm a delusion angel
i'm a fantasy parade
want you to know what i think
don't want you to guess anymore

you have no idea where i came from
we have no idea where we're going
lodged in life like branches in a river
flowing downstream
caught in the current
i'll carry you you carry me
that's how it could be
don't you know me
don't you know me by now.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

"Reflections"

I just came bk from watching Corrinne May perform at the esplanade. I used to love her....for years her music has been my companion, through many ups n down. But after hearing her LIVE, I truly LOVE her now. I don't mean in a stalker fan way lah of course. I've always admired how she has accomplished so much....how she had the courage and determination to pursue her dream (she went to the prestigious Berklee Sch of Music in Boston). Now she's based in LA, working on her music. So un-Singaporean rite?? (in terms of being realistic n practical) I think tt's just awesome. haha!

Also, as a musician, she's an inspiration to me. I think truly GREAT music has to touch, has to communicate....deeply and sincerely. Its not just abt having brilliant skills, techniques...its conveying to pple what comes from deep inside. Somehow, Corrinne May does that so powerfully and yet effortlessly on her part. Every single one of her songs, have this ability to speak to you in such a personal way...in different seasons of your life. That's just so beautiful, to have that sort of connection. Not many singers have that....certainly not the majority of the trashy pop acts we hear on the radio. I can think of...perhaps the late Eva Cassidy and Sarah MacLachlan

Seems like such a simple revelation, but I think its reaffirmed one of my goals for Year 2005....to strive towards deep, sincere communication through my music. Its been my prayer, my dream to touch pple with God's love through my singing. I hope to work on my prose/poem/ song-writing too. Lately i think God has been revealing to me the power of honesty and vulnerability- Corrinne May's lyrics.....Gospel music (they don't censor the pain/ the struggles...yet in spite of it all, there's an amazingly solid, strong trust in God). At the end of the day, we ought to be real....and not just be 'happy, clappy robots'.

When we admit to ourselves and to God, that there are giants or mountains in our lives...and CHOOSE to rejoice in the midst of it, to trust God to deliver us, and to help us SOAR high above it all....i think that's true strength and faith.

It reminds me of Tolkien and LOTR too....its always a choice isn't it? To be good or evil...to hope or to give in to despair. I would like to end the 1st entry of 2005 with this line from Aragorn in LOTR- "There is ALWAYS hope". :) So to everyone out there, Blessed New Year. Hang on to your dreams, hang on to God....fight for what you believe in!

p/s: if you haven't heard Corrinne May, pls do yourself a favour and go to her webiste to hear her songs. They r gems! Singapore shld be so proud of her.
www.corrinnemay.com